


Behind Door Number One

by mithrel



Category: Stonehenge Apocalypse (2010), Supernatural
Genre: Blanket Permission, Crossover, Gen, Humor, Podfic Welcome, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-20
Updated: 2010-06-20
Packaged: 2017-11-11 07:16:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/475981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jacob is extremely confused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind Door Number One

Jacob lay where he’d fallen, his head spinning. He’d done it…he thought. It was all a blur.

“Jacob Glaser?”

He groaned and sat up, clutching his head. A man stood over him. His hair and beard were brown, and he was dressed in a white that was too bright to be real. “What happened?”

The man smiled. “You did it. You saved the world.” He paused. “It seems to need saving a lot lately. That’s the third Apocalypse in twenty years.”

“Say _what?_ ” He was hallucinating. He was lying on the lawn in the middle of Stonehenge dying of radiation poisoning, and he was imagining this whole conversation. Only possible explanation.

“But maybe not,” the man continued. “This might have been the last gasp of the Winchesters’ Apocalypse.”

“Seemed pretty full-scale to me. Who the hell _are_ you?”

“Oh, didn’t I say? I’m God.”

“God, uh-huh, right.” _And people call_ me _crazy._ He got up and started backing away.

“I really am.”

“Prove it!” He’d never believed in anything he couldn’t prove, whatever his detractors might say.

“I’d rather not.”

“Yeah, because you _can’t!_ ”

The man sighed and shook his head. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

And suddenly the man was gone. In his place was something so ancient, so vast, so old-school _awesome_ that he couldn’t even take it in.

It was only there for a split second, but Jacob found himself curled on the ground, whimpering. He tried to remember what he’d seen, but his brain skittered away from the memory like it was one pole of a magnet and his conscious mind was the other.

“I did try to warn you. You’re not in a body at the moment, so it didn’t harm you physically, but your mind can’t comprehend my true form.”

After a moment, the implications of that penetrated. “What do you mean I’m ‘not in a body at the moment’?” he demanded, his voice shriller than usual, but hey, he was having a conversation with _God,_ apparently without the aid of any illegal substances. He could shriek if he wanted.

“You’re dead. Nothing could survive the radiation unleashed by the blast.”

He was dead. He was _dead?_ What the fuck? “If I’m dead, how come I’m still here?”

“You’re in Heaven,” God said, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t believe in Heaven. I don’t believe in any of this!”

“There’s a saying. You may not believe in God, but God believes in you. Although people’s Heavens are based on what they want, so if you’d rather be an insensate, rotting corpse…”

“No, no, that’s fine!” Jacob assured him hastily, and God grinned. “But I thought people in Heaven were greeted by Saint Peter or something.” He hadn’t had anything to do with the Bible since he was twelve, but he was fairly sure God didn’t greet people _personally._

God shrugged. “I’ve been away awhile, so I’m taking a more hands-on approach, at least up here. Besides, you’re not exactly Joe-Schmoe-died-of-a-heart-attack.”

Jacob frowned. “You don’t _sound_ like God.”

“What does God sound like?” he asked rhetorically. “Like I said, I’ve been away. Spent some time on Earth getting to know my Creation.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I hate to be rude, but I do have other things to do, like you said. Jimmy can explain everything else. He was there for a lot of it, and his body was there for the rest, so he knows what’s up.”

 _What the fuck?_ Jimmy? Who was Jimmy? The only Saint Jimmy he’d heard of was in a Green Day song.

God led him over to a guy who…Jacob blinked. He was wearing a suit and trenchcoat, but otherwise it was like looking into a mirror. “I’ll leave you two to get acquainted.”

“How come you look like me?” Jacob blurted.

The man–Jimmy–shrugged. “They say everyone has a twin somewhere.”

“I have no clue what’s going on here! I don’t belong in Heaven!”

Jimmy smiled, and even the expression looked the same. “Apparently God thinks otherwise. You did save the world.”

“But I _killed_ people! I killed my _friend!_ ” He hadn’t had time to really register that before, the fact that Joseph was dead, with everything else going on, but now it slammed home.

“Did you do it because you wanted to?” Jimmy asked.

“ _No!_ ” Jacob spat. Was the guy _nuts?_

“Did you do it for profit, or glory, or any other reason than they were trying to kill you and the people you were with, and stop you from saving the world?”

“No,” Jacob repeated more slowly.

Jimmy shrugged. “Then apparently in this instance it’s excusable. Maybe God watches Star Trek.”

Jacob blinked, before he got it. Needs of the many… But still… “He said there’d been an Apocalypse _before?_ ”

“Yeah. I mean, there’ve been a few, but the one I was involved in was going on until last month. There were these guys called the Winchesters…”


End file.
